__``!~SoUnD oF mY hEaRt~*``_

Sunday, October 02, 2005

today went for flagday in town.
yawnz~late for 30 min.
cos i overzzz.
tis week i've nt been zzz well.
a few hrs per day nia.
i over-exhausted myself.
reached there den partnered wif erika.
ek!dunno y i always dun hav ren yuan...
stood under the sun yet no one donates.
but all my cell mates' tins were so heavy.
i was abit malu.
cos no matter hw hard i wrked,
my tins r always so light nia.
met a weird male donator n
den went to far east for chic rice.
sam asked mi to go for meeting on wed nitez.
haiz~mi n her onli?! lolz~
funny.
den went to church.
went to c my aunt den back to chuch again.
sat there wif erika.
chatting n slacking
til the rest returned fr their shopping n studying.
den we queued to get in n chopped seats.
before the queue, estee asked mi abt BGR thingy.
oso asked abt mi n him.
i told her tt leave it to b a mystery
since we can't b together anymore.
21 yrs old...the restriction age...
my pastor said tt we can't hav BGR
til we r over 21 yrs old n mus get approval fr her n sam.
haiz~
by tt time
even if i find one...
i'll nt marry by 26 de lor.
if cannt find one after 21...
den shd b single for rest of life liao.
haiz~
zzp ytd asked mi tt wld i care abt his status n fame
if i realli love tt person?
i ans him tt i will not.
true love lehz...where will bother so much.
pengz~
entered the service wif tireness...
i fell aslp n gt scolded by sam.
suay lor was sitting beside her.
lolz~den kenna forced to eat a sweet by her.
jus to keep mi awake.
actualli i wasn't feelin well.
had headaches so was tinkin of resting.
haiz so suan le.
i jus kept my eyes open lor.
den pastor khong said a funny thing lah.
those girls whu don't hav husbands nvm.
they can shout 'hallelujah!'
i jus pengz...
lolz~
den mi,yb,estee,mel n sam went to hav dinner at hawker.
ate tom yam noodles.
yucks nt nice at all...
went back hm alone.
long journey back w/o anyone.
of cos will tink of alot of things.
tis few days, quite a few asked abt my love life.
lolz~dunno y.
so i reflected on the trip back hm.
nearly cried.haiz~
but seemed like a dream to mi.
time realli flies...
everything changes n happens so fast.
n i jus hav to adapt to everything
even if i hate it.
when i was wif him, i felt so pressurised by my church.
it's sinful to b wif him yet i still did it.
i disobedied my leaders cos they asked mi to leave tis relationship.
bt i nv.
nw he left mi...
but i still sin.
cos i still love him.
oso disobeying my leaders.
wadeva i do, i still sin.sianz~
no wonder men r sinful...lolz~
mayb will take a long time to forget.
chien ping is correct.
i shdn't hav take tis relationship so seriously
til my feelings for him r too true.
i've fallen too deep jus like one of my frenz...
haiz~
i agree wif her as well.
to love sumone is really painful n difficult.
her pro i can't solve but i tried to cheer her up.
deez said i was siao...lolz~
cos i can't even solve my own pro n oso in same situation
yet still so pro to counsel her.
hahahz~i was pro then...
my tears i can even hold back.
mayb i dun wan ppl to worry for mi anymore.
so i stopped crying infrnt of others.
i realli realli realli need a very long time to forget him.
cos i realised i really love him too much.
sounda stupid.
but wad i can do?
nth lor...can't help myself too...

<`scribbled at-
12:44 AM